Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
