I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
