and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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