If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
