Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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