you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
