The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
