Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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