He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
