You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
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