I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We had sex on a dog bed..
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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