I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
