Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
