Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
