the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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