i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
