you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
