Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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