I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
