Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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