Im at strip club and am horny
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
