...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
