She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
it glows. i had to have it.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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