well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
