saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
