so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
