nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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