I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
