I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
