I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
