he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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