Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
