Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
