I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
