no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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