I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
