I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
