And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
