Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
