so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
