i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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