Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Dicks are not precious.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
