In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Omg I joined a choir last night...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
