Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
