Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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