It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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