Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
