I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
