his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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