please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
