I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
