chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
